Because love really is all around, everyone.
1. You will talk cynically about how Valentine’s Day is
stupid and not even a real holiday, you should show love every single day of
the year, and it’s all just a big farce created by Hallmark to get you to buy
more pieces of folded card for £4.99. You are too cool for Valentine’s Day,
obviously. It's just another day, right?
2. And then you’ll throw a mega tantrum when your other
half tells you actually, he’s going to spend the 14th at work drinks because
it's just another day, right? He just doesn’t get it.
3. You will plan to buy a cool, quirky card you saw
online. You will forget to do this until the 13th. Next day delivery is £6.99.
You will join a half-hour long queue of harried-looking men in suits in
Clintons and buy a card with a picture of a bear on it. When you get home, you
will open the card and realise it says ‘To my husband, forever and ever’ inside
it. You will make a joke about this, but your boyfriend will look uncomfortable
and jump every time you touch his arm for the rest of the evening.
4. If you have been dating someone for, say, less than
two months, and you haven’t had the
conversation yet, you will dither endlessly about whether or not to get
them a card. In the end you will buy the plainest card you can find – or maybe
one with a funny joke about sex on it cos ooh, you’re proper naughty, you are.
You will then lose your nerve and keep it in your bag all evening. Three years
down the line, you will discover they did the same thing.
5. You will go to Ann Summers or Victoria’s Secrets and
buy yourself fancy underwear. You will wear this on display for roughly four
and a half minutes. You will spend the rest of the month deeply resenting
the £35 spent on a bra that cuts you to pieces and will show through absolutely
every single T shirt you own.
(FYI, if this is you, check out Primark – their range is
AMAZING this year. As displayed by @thecocoachelsea in her absolutely INSANE Insta photos – go check them outttt).
6. If you’re a single girl, your friends
may organise some kind of deeply depressing ‘Galentine’s’ night – like ‘ooh,
let’s go out for pizza and cocktails!’ This sounds fun but in reality just
means sitting in a restaurant pretending you’re having a good time whilst
surrounded by couples staring meaningfully into each other’s eyes, then going
home to flick through Tinder, play Ed Sheeran songs and cry into your pillow.
7.
When you’re in a relationship, you will become one of those couples in the
restaurant you were always so jealous of, and you will realise that actually,
you’re staring into your boyfriend’s eyes wondering why you’re drinking too
much wine in Café Rouge on a Tuesday, spending £65 on an uninspiring set menu
and a glass of flat prosecco.
8.
You and your friends will laugh at everyone else’s sickening couple photos on
Instagram. Later, slightly tipsy, you will upload your own filtered photo of
the roses your boyfriend bought you and caption them ‘This one’ with a heart
emoji. Because if it isn’t on Instagram, did it even happen?
9. If you choose to stay in, you will
make something elaborate and go to huge effort and expense – like eggs made in
a heart shaped frying pan, or writing their name in chocolate chips on a cake.
This effort will be underappreciated. You will drink too much wine and become
steadily more annoyed as the evening wears on. The following year, you will
just buy a £10 meal deal from M&S.
10. There will be a moment – either
when you read the little message in your Valentine’s Day card from your
significant other, or when your best friend sends you a comforting text and a
photo of your ex’s new girlfriend looking really hideous, or when your mum
gives you an extra-long hug and says ‘Plenty of fish in the sea, love – just
watch out for the sharks!’ – a moment when you know that love, in some form,
does exist, and that it is worth celebrating. And that moment is worth all the
rest. Awww.
This made me laugh so much. Literally so accurate.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the mention xx
Thank you lovely! Glad you liked it! xxx
DeleteBest post I've read about Valentine's Day! Every last bit is so true
ReplyDeletetheemeralddove21.blogspot.co.uk
Haha yay glad you enjoyed! xxx
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